My mum once asked me if WT had any happy songs...I was like "All I Need" is happy...."Stand My Ground" Actually inspirational is a better word, but WT always fills me with unimaginable LOVE.
Poems I like...yeah...I'll post some....Kinda funny actually cuz these poems reflect my mental state exactly a year ago...
I try to explain myself
To put words to my torrent of thoughts.
But I fail.
Or you fail
At understanding.
How could you know?
You are not me.
You look on in awe
Your face is full of curiosity
Or maybe disgust
I look away
You’re not me
So it doesn’t matter.
What’s wrong with you?
You ask.
Shouldn’t I be asking that?
Are you alright?
You ask again.
Go figure.
Great.
I lie.
I bite nails.
Until they bleed.
You scream.
But you don’t understand.
My motives,
My reasons,
My fears.
Or you simply don’t care.
Cuz you’re not me.
So it doesn’t matter.
But it hurts.
And I cower.
You think you know
Who I am
You can’t
Cuz you’re not me.
I’m me.
And that’s what’s wrong.
With red eyes cast upon you
It’s hard to not feel shame
Obviously, you’ve committed some nasty deed
Staring at your shaking hands
Not seeing what the others do
Hating yourself for lacking pride
So much pride it takes
To not turn the shade of red cherries so proudly don
Others may laugh aloud
Push the shame aside
And stare right back at them
So obvious they are not bothered
I’m not like that, too obvious to me
I lack pride
My own staring eyes rip me apart
Exposing blood red cuts
Shame flowing from my wounds
Can’t feel any other thing
Otherwise, I’d be fine
My flaws all too obvious
It’s shameful
Not even a trace of pride lingers
Under the glaring red moon
Staring down from its high perch
I stare towards the crowd
The others do not notice
A thick red line between us
How obvious I’ll never cross
Others never think to try
It’s shameful to be where I am
We try to avoid shame at all costs
No one wants to eyes to stare at them
So we fake pride
Knowing others judge us
Obviously, we can’t live with ourselves alone
Rejecting our hearts so red
Others may never know shame
I don’t know the obvious pride
Staring with red eyes at the rest of the world
My glass is completely empty
I wasn’t even granted half a cup
How can I ever smile
When I feel nothing
So cold and lonely
Never mind the setting sun
When I feel nothing
At a loss for words
Never mind the setting sun
It’ll be dark soon
At a loss for words
Silent as the grey beach
It’ll be dark soon
How can I ever smile
Silent as the grey beach
My glass is completely empty
Screw-up
It’s pointless to deny
I’m anything but a screw-up
It would be a lie to say
I’m talented, smart, funny, or kind
But still I’m here, trying my best
In the wake of those who can succeed
Those who don’t even have to try
And can soar above me
They don’t look down
To where I’m tethered
Some many things I cannot do
So many people who’d rather avoid me
I watch my life and wonder
What do they have that I lack?
Why am I always left behind?
Why must I crash and stumble?
Each time I swear to try harder
So next time I’ll be stronger
No matter what I’m still me
I can try forever
But I will ruin it all
One bad choice
One moment of apathy
A single miscommunication
I’m incredibly skilled at them all
But just not at life
I fail at everything but failure
The reality is
I’d do anything to be “normal”
Not to live in fear
To be a success
I’d welcome acceptance with open arms
But I’m obviously lying
If I really wanted it
I’d try harder
I wouldn’t screw everything up
I do though
Which explains it all
I want to be proud of myself
To make it past me
Under my own power
I want to be everything I’m not
But still I want to be me
I’m a screw-up
Things simply don’t add up that way
Broken
I’m destroyed
Hollowed, devastated, beaten, and broken
Insides scooped out and turned to mush
So only a shell remains
Like a city at war
That’s bombed out and burning
Garbage scattered all about
Unable to discern what any of it once was
To far in the past to know
If war hadn’t been declared
On me when I was so young
Would I know be whole?
Thrown amidst a terrible conflict
No one thought to teach me how to fight
My hands are free from weapons
So running seems a brilliant choice
Until I’m miles from the strife
Where I’ll hide away
I don’t dare move
They’ll strike again
When you smile and laugh
Plowed like a dry field
With dirt cracking under its blade
Ripping the grass up
The roots can’t cling
The force is too great
I’ll go where I can
Maybe soon I’ll float away
My pieces blowing in the wind
Across the barren land
With the tumbleweed I’ll roll
Away from the violent cities
To the vast expanse
I won’t be lonely
I’ll sit in the sand
And will fear nothing
For only I can see me now
Free from lies, fears and betrayal
Until the tides stop coming home
Here I’ll stay
Persistence
I once stood under the beating sun
Bathed in the light of another
A light that would soon fade away
In the darkness, hope is lost
For my own light just won’t shine
If I try to ignite it
I’ll fall face down
If I chose to lay low
I’ll feel left out
But still I can’t ignore
The power welled up inside
It tears me apart and summons insanity
As confusion breaks the surface
I can’t seem to smile all the time
In laughter, I know pain will flee
But reality just holds too tight to break away
Without anything to hold on to
My hand will slip
The bottom I shall close upon
Why can I not soar?
Others can show their inner light
I cannot aid any sun
My light is far too dim
To the others I do not exist
I stew in myself
Stuck in the hole my despair dug
I can’t spread my wings
For they are soaked
Time and again I’m stranded here
Trapped and desperate I’ll lash out
Who shall take my hand?
Can anyone pull me out?
Surely yes, but what’s the point
For forever, they can’t lead me well
Words can save me now, but are fleeting
My legs are still shaking
And I insist I can’t go on
But I must somehow- someway
With my own two hands, I must make it through
There must be something within me
More than hate, defiance, and spite
I’d love to tell my whole tale
But I doubt anyone could listen
And think me not insane
I don’t want to be patronized
It’s not what I want to hear
Someone’s words can fix me
But only if I chose to listen
The stairs are too steep to reach the top
So I’ll stay here
Though it’s not what I want
I want to spread these dusty wings
Fly above my anguish
I’d be completely happy
If something wasn’t always wrong
Wrong with me
I’m playing with an incomplete deck
So no matter how many games we play, I’ll never win
The ball is in my hands
I’ll drop it again I know
And I’ll count on someone to pass it back
For I still need it
So I can try again
Away
The past seems now
So far away
Another day goes by
It’s all the same
People I no longer know
I’ve forgotten what we once had
Pieces of the foundation crack
No wonder I’m sinking faster now
I’m clinging to the memories
Laughing at what funny then
I choke on my laughter
The world is turning foggy
I sense the night
Even with my eyes open
The scene is bleak
I wonder if I’m really conscious
Dreaming myself through life
Floating away
A smile I remember
So distinct so real
The warm wind quickens
As my fingers glide over the flowers
Taking in every feeling
Like my final breath
That I must hold
So I can make it through the ever threatening winter
It glares from around the corner
A mistake you make
And it shall pounce
No longer able to hear
The echo long ago so loud
Deafening silence, one fatal shot
Stolen
The bright sun makes me happy
Cloudless skies ease my fears
I’m sitting on a dock alone
The sun shines down so brilliantly
My soul is dancing
As my hands lie still
Fantasizing, dreaming, creating
I want nothing more
Past me, rush so many faces
Some wave, others laugh or yell
I breathe it in
It makes me real
I’m waiting to be whole
But so much is lost
And more is scattered
Or stolen by other hearts
Never to be recovered
Am I too a thief?
Can we not live without pilfering?
Claiming we’d rather die than turn criminal
I’m reluctant to sacrifice these beautiful summer days
If I do nothing but bask
I wonder if the world shall still be angry
Letting Go
The trees seem rough and unreachably tall
I’m terrified to even imagine climbing up
From up there I’d hold on for dear life
Petrified of what is below
It’s not for me to see
As I reach higher
I only fear more
That I’ll soon plummet to my death
The sky has not to worry like me
From up so high
It watches us all
It will never fall
Effortless it remains at the top
I have no such luck
I’m the moth that never learned flames are hot
Repeatedly scarred by failure
I want to let go
My hands are slipping painfully
I don’t care to make it further
Nothing hurts more
Than my own choices
The ultimate letdown
Is quitting on myself
If only I could have clung a second longer
Reached that little bit higher
I’m standing somewhere now
There must be more
In my grasp
I’m sure it’ll hurt
But I refuse to fear pain any longer
I’ll flaunt my battle scars
I won’t tell myself next time
Eventually the excuses run dry
And then there’s nothing left
Unless I burn with passion
With a smile, I shake my head
Another day, another inch forward
Until I’m many miles from myself
Cut
Haphazard cuts across my wrist
Frowned upon
I trace my torn flesh
Smiling despite the pain
The cuts tell a story
A tragedy perhaps
I’m lost in the turning pages
That move too fast
For me to keep up
Blood stains the smooth white pages
Soaking random words
I fill in the spaces
With smiles and nods
Afraid of the next page
But confused by the last
I’m caught here and now
Where darkness is closing in
As the book closes
I run to escape
But I’m once again too slow
It’s hopeless to resist
So I sit and reflect
Too lazy to move
Afraid to speak my mind
Without me the world goes on
I’m being trampled
By the villains, the heroes, and myself
I’m the stampede
Armed with the most devastating weapon
I seek myself out
I play for a while
Then shot to kill
But miss my heart
I’m wounded indefinitely
Laying in my blood
I only have me to blame
I sought the weapon, loaded and aimed
Pulled the trigger without thinking
With myself, I’m all alone
To live or to die
To laugh or to cry
To hurt or to smile
The scissors cut
Guided by my own weak hand
Holding in my true strength
I claim never again
This mistake will I make
The gathering storm that’s poised to strike
Again, I won’t give in to it
Remorse flows with my crimson blood
I stand up and smile
As time passes
I hope to run along
I will not weep for myself
The scars of the day
I will not hate
A promise carved in flesh
A last reminder
It’s only me behind the trigger
Convincing myself, everything will be okay
_________________

~The children the world almost broke become the adults who save it~
I know, should realise
Time is precious, it is worthwhile.
Despite how I feel inside,
Have to trust it will be all right.
Have to stand up to be stronger
The Happy Toaster (my blog)