Letters to anyone

So I've seen this on a few forums and thought it'd be cool to have on here. Basically, you write a "letter" to someone telling them what you feel, whatever. But it's anonymous.

So like, ex:

Dear ____,

Then whatever you want to say/rant/whatever

- your name.


I don't actually have one to write, right now though But didn't want to forget again

Dear ....

I just want to say sorry. I really cannot handle ignoring you any longer. I've tried so fucking hard to, but I can't. Whenever I hear your voice or see you it makes my heart sink. But you know what else? I remember all the amazing times we spent together all through-out the summer.
We only met last year, after Christmas and we became friends it the click of ones fingers. Our conversations were wonderful. You brought so much joy in my life and I was greatful to have you in it.
Do you know what it's like for someone to just completely ignore your excistance? I tried getting you back into mine and you threw it into my face. I can't any more, I'm sorry. I've tried but it's brought me so much pain and sadness. Just remembering those words you said to me that day broke my heart into two. I can't go on like this! I've lost too many things these past six months and I can't loose a friend. A friend! I saw six family members just dissapear from my life like that! You were so special to me. I really want you back into my life.
These past months have been utter hell for me and what you did made it worse. I was hoping I could of had a friend to talk to and I did, but It wasn't the same because it wasn't you.
I'll always be here, I hope you know that.

Fani.

Dear, (I'm sure you can work it out)

For a time now I've hated you more and more. You get more into your little black metal, I am grimmer than thou and think you're the shit on VF. Seriously getting Premium membership is sad. The only reason I got it was you. I could list a million things I did because of you, and none of them are good. The last few weeks I knew I was finally letting you go. I just didn't care anymore, I had started being interested in someone else no matter how unlikely that was. I have no idea why I still fucking talk to you or even like you. What the fuck have you ever done for me. I know and have known for a long time that I dont want to be with you, I dont even like you as a person but my mind has a thing where it holds on to whoever until someone else comes along. I wish it didn't. I guess I was always holding on to the girl I first met when she was 15 and was a completely different person. Actually no you weren't, you still lead absolutely everyone on. Your ex started a whole hate crusade against you because of it. It was pretty fucking hilarious. And the sad thing is I knew every word he was saying was true and even though I was laughing at him atleast he could completely cut you off and hate you. I cant hate you no matter how hard I try. Until today. I'm not even a huge fan of Slipknot but Paul's death did upset me. I absolutely love Corey and Joey and so knowing it'd kill them upset me and hearing he has a baby on the way makes it seem like an even bigger loss. The world of metal has lost 5 (that come to my mind) musicans in such a short amount of time. It's a huge loss to a community I love. You fucking laughed at a mans death. You laughed at it so you would seem so high and mighty and 'grim' as I like to put it. Fuck you. That is disgusting. I dont care what your opinion of Slipknot is or their fans. I have took the piss out of their fans many times, I dont like many of their fans, or my perception of them and the twats wearing Slipknot tops at Apocalyptica being idiots but it's only a perception of them. But dont fucking disrespect them and Paul and his family. You make me sick. How can anyone laugh at someone dying and the fans pain of that. Music is peoples lives of course they are going to get upset if a member of one of their favourite bands died. I'd be fucking distraught. Grow the fuck up. It's about time. You've been stuck being 15 for the last 3 years. You have not changed one bit. Get your own mind and stop trying to impress these other idiots over the internet. I really dont want anything to do with you. You were the biggest mistake of my life.

Kellie

Dear _____,

No, buying me things will not make me love you. In fact, it wont even make me like you. In FACT, I actually started to like you, and now my respect level went back down to 0. Please get it through your head that I like people for THEM, and not for the things that they buy me.
No. I also will not marry you.

Rynne

Dear....

I know you said you wouldn't miss, because I don't care, actually I'm glad your out of my life. And I don't care if you go tell this to Charlotte, you go do that I won't miss you, I won't even acknowledge the fact that you are gone. If it kills your other 'buddies' even better, you know that you are leaving makes me feel so much better, so go and actually, I have a clue what your life in that new school will be like, crap because you are a bully!

Liz

Dear ___,


I really don't know what you want from me or expect from me. I try so goddamn hard, but I apparently can't be what you want. The thought of what could happen if I'm not everything, scares me. Scares me so badly. I want to tell you all of this but I can't because my shit on top of everything might just tip the iceburg.

Rynne

Dear ......

Have you ever thought what's it's like to be me for one moment? Or any of your kids for that moment? It's difficult. We can never ever please you.
What gives you the right to send my brother - who I love so much - away? He's your own flesh and blood. He's your son! You make me sick. So sick.
I hope one day you'll wake up and realise you aren't perfect and that you donh't deserve anyone. Least of all us. We've given you everything and you threaten us, harm us and treat us like your slaves. I hate you so much and I hope upon hope Tracey sees you for who you really are and leaves before you can harm her or her kids.

Tayla

Dear...

Wow! you two immature aren't you? You think, you can still let this go on? well I'm telling you now darlings, no one cares anymore, its over done, you two need to grow up, I know why I hate you, because I'm 10 times more mature than you lot are! So maybe I have my immature moments but to hell at least in front of my mother you're not pushing each other onto roads and being idiots, when you are late for school, remember your in year 10 now, I'm actually worried for you when you leave.

Much Love, Liz

Dear _______,

It's been nearly 3 years. I did not twist what you said. You were, and continue to be, a pathological liar. Keep my name, or the allusion to my name, out of your mouth.
Oh. And stop embarassing the Rangers by saying you want to join them. It's a fantasy for you. I've known you long enough to say, without remorse, you'll never be shit. Now stop disgracing the military men and women in my family by saying you think you coul be one of them. Or I will personally fuck you up. Do not think for a moment I won't - I still remember you running from me. Hooah, my skinny white ass.

Kayleigh

Dear Mother,

Let me move on. Please understand that it isn't you I am escaping from; it never was. You have your issues, but they take second place in this drama. You are continuously breaking my heart with your indecision and attempts to please everyone. You're breaking my heart, stressing me out. Why would you ever continue to torture someone who you know went through personal tormoil their whole life? I need peace. So please understand that I need to walk my own road now. I'm crying; you've seen me cry and scream about him time and again...and nothing changes. So yeah, I am leaving because I can't let you hold me back anymore. Maybe not phsyically leaving since I'm at a disadvantage as long as I'm still an undergrad, but emotionally, my heart no longer lies here....if it ever did. What you maybe never understand is I wish nothing more than to have a family- a mother who is my best friend, a brother I can tease but rely on, a father who I only dislike on the surface for his persistant meddling. But no! Reality takes not that form. I'm all about shattering illusions because I know that is the only way to move forward. I know it hurts. I've done more painful things in my life then I'll ever admit to you, and for that reason alone, I stand strong now. I'm rammed heads with futility long enough. I'm always comparing our personal conflicts to politics, and for as much as I love politics (progressive talk shows are our thing!), I hate them. Because solutions transcend pety, selfish discussions. That's one of the lessons I learned with FeelGood; I want to share everything about The Hunger Project with you, but there isn't time to open up that much. I bury my emotion so deeply because I don't feel safe here; I'm not strong enough to fight. I can talk, but I can't fight. It's going to take me days of being amongst friends to feel like I can be myself again. I wish I could open up to you, but as things remain now, that isn't happening. I only trust people who I know will understand; you don't. And so I'm torn, caught between my shell of cynical apathy and my true warm, expressive self. The blankness in my face reflects this friction. You can always count on me doing the right thing sooner or later. Until now, you've always taken advantage of my kindness. I've met so many people who have done that same thing...so I'm searching for someone who will understand how much I love the world, how much it stings to be as sensitive as I am.

Honestly though, just know that I do consider you a very good friend, and I want to share my life with you. Not just out of obligation either. But because I care, and I respect you. A lot. I know I've shattered a lot of expectations about who a daughter should be; I know you want be to be happy...marry a nice man and get a high paying job. But I'm the opposite of our society's current shallow dream. I don't care about men; I care about people. Take from that what you will, but please, just understand that no matter what I choose, it will not be settling. I'm sitting her shaking- afraid. I can't even begin to explain to you why though. I'd be a lot happier if I could confide in you the way I do some friends; there's no reason I shouldn't be able to either. I just wish you would try to understand. You say you're able to take other's shoes. Well then, take mine. I know my shoes are "costum made" and basically fit only me, but I'm really not a complex person. I'm so simple. I just want understanding, for myself and for the world. I don't know where all of our drama is headed anymore than I know where I'm headed. It's all confusions to me, brutal, terrifying confusion. But I'm still dreaming of the future, persuing those dreams. That's why I need to go. I can't let confusion and shame hold me back. Right now, those are the emotions you inspire in me. I'm sorry for this rant. It's no less vague then ever, but that's me. I'm so deep it takes even me a long time to dive into my heart.

Amy

Dear....

Go away! I want you out of my life, get out. I don't need you and I don't want you. Stop interfering and look after your own life... and I send messages to myself? your "cat" has facebook... childish... much?

much Love, Liz

Dear ____,

Really WTF? Like you've never said things like that or possibly even worse. So I don't even want to hear it from you and hear your twisting my words because you're in some bad mood. Really, grow up.

Dear _____,

You seem to be the majority of what I talk about anymore; to my therapist, to my mother, to my friends..

You drive me absolutely nuts sometimes, and I feel like you know perfectly how to play the victim and make others feel like shit about themselves. You know what gets under my skin and how to get me to pay attention to you. You drag it out until I have to force it out of you.

This is something that I related to greatly in symptom, but not in actual personality. I don’t do the intense manipulation that most Borderlines do, I don’t act on impulse more than 70% of the time. Yes, I fear abandonment and being alone. I self harm, I threaten suicide, I drive fast, spend lots of money that I don’t have, idealize and then devalue… but I don’t do what you do.

It gets harder every single day to keep a good relationship with you, but if she’s right, you can’t help it. I could tell you to look up BPD, but then you would want to rip my head off. You would probably never want to speak to me again, and then blame me for the ending of our relationship. And I don’t want to hurt you like that…abandoning you for something that you may or may not be able to control.

You are an emotional vampire sometimes, I swear… And I love you, but I’m always so drained by you. All the time. I’m so scared of losing a loved one, but I’m also scared of completely losing myself. Every time I set a boundary, it gets torn down—either by me, due to feeling untrustworthy or like I don’t care, or by you, due to not respecting it or making me feel said emotions.

You don’t self harm, you don’t threaten suicide, you love to be alone, you don’t act impulsively on risky behaviors—in fact, you hide. There are plenty of symptoms you don’t show, but you also don’t take responsibility for your problems..they can never be your fault. Feeling mistreated, misunderstood, bored, worthless like you sometimes do are symptoms of BPD and the more I research and think about it, the more I wonder.

No, I’m not saying all problems in our relationship are your fault, but I’m starting to get sick of feeling like they’re all mine due to your convincing me that they are. I overreact, I say the wrong things, I have unreasonable expectations. So do you.

If you read this, don’t hate me. But I needed to get it out somewhere other than my therapist.

I love you and always will,

AvM

Dear...
I don't know what to say. I didn't know what to say when I found out, and I still don't. So I'm going to make this to the point.
When I first met you, you were such a great person. Even when word got out you were suicidal I didn't let that cloud my judgement. Then you tried killing yourself. In the school washroom. That clouded my judgement a little bit, and I wish it hadn't, I hate myself for that now. You went to the hospital for a while, got out, came back, and then moved back before Christmas. I missed you when you moved back. Then one morning, I got on Facebook... only to find out you'd ended your life. It shook me, and grieved me, and I'm still grieving. I wish I could have gotten to know you better, because you were my friend. I won't forget you, Paige, and I never will. I will always miss you <3 <3
Hayley